The Final Flicker

THE FINAL FLICKER Janet lit the candles and poured the wine. She turned on the radio ? a little Quiet Storm to set the mood. She checked her reflection one last time. The nightgown and robe shimmered in the low light; the flowing satin would romanticize any figure. Then she sat down on the couch and waited. Not for him to show up ? she had no illusions that he'd actually keep his word. And not for the inevitable phone call about his office or his car or his wife. No. Janet waited for the moment when she could convince herself that she was wasting her time on a man that didn't love her. That couldn't and wouldn't ever love her. Janet waited for her heart to join her mind and push him out of her life. For that fire that had burned so hot to burn out. She had been reading in the library when she realized that someone was watching her. It was odd; nobody watched her. Nobody usually even noticed her except when grades were posted. She looked up, pushed her glasses back and glanced around. The only person near her was handsome ? that movie handsome that girls dream about but never meet in real life. She glanced around again. She was at a table in the back corner with nothing but a wall behind her. She looked back at him; he was still looking at her. "Did you need something?" She asked. "No." He answered smiling. "Oh. Ok." She tried to go back to reading but couldn't when she realized that he was still there. "What?" "Sorry." He laughed. "I guess I'm just surprised is all." "About what?" "You." "What about me?" "Just you." He laughed again. "You don't recognize me at all, do you?" She shook her head. "I'm Jake Black. I teach Communications 201. You're in my class." "Oh." She tried to remember who taught what but in truth, she never was good with people. Generally, she tried not to take on campus classes but she had to come in for her Lab work so it was convenient to get a class out of the way at the same time. "Sorry." "Don't be. It's ok. You're allowed to be in my class." "Oh." It was just a little awkward, sitting there being stared at by a handsome man. Men didn't usually notice Janet; she'd spent a great deal of time cultivating anonymity. She tried to go back to reading again and ran into the same uncomfortable feeling of being watched. "Um, did I do something?" "You blew my curve." "Your what?" "My grade curve. You blew it. First assignment. Phft! Right out of the water." "Uh. Oh. Uh. Sorry." "You should be. Now I feel bad grading on a curve and I've got to re-structure how I plan to grade this semester." "Oh. Uh. Sorry." "It's very inconvenient." Janet wasn't at all sure what she should do here. "Do you want me to re-write my paper?" "Would you? That would be very helpful." "Ok." That was easy enough. "Is tomorrow ok?" He laughed loudly. "That was a joke! Of course I don't want you to redo the assignment!" "Oh." She waited until he stopped laughing. "Then what do you want me to do?" He started to speak and then stopped. "No, I'd better not say that. You might not think it's a joke." She wanted to be indignant but the truth was that she frequently missed the joke. "Was that a joke?" "Only in part." He smiled. "Are you going to read that whole book here?" "I hadn't planned to. Why?" "Well, I thought maybe if you weren't busy tonight that you could help me plan a grading scale that you won't ruin for the rest of the class." "Oh. Sure." She closed the book and began gathering her study materials. "I can do this later." "Great. Hey, have you had dinner yet?" "No." "Great! Why don't we go off campus? I know this great little Italian place..." Over dinner, Jake complimented her work and her knowledge. He told her she should participate more in class ? that she had so much to share. After, he took her back to his house and they had a glass or two of sherry. He told her that she should take her hair down, get contacts and show off those lovely eyes ? has anyone told you how lovely they are? ? and to stop wearing those unattractive sweatshirts. "You're too pretty to be so lost in the background." He said. "You should be in the front. The center of attention. You've got my attention, for sure." And then he kissed her. It wasn't that Janet had never been kissed before. She had. She wasn't even a virgin technically. She'd done it once with a friend in high school. Neither of them had dated anyone else and neither wanted to go to college 'untouched'. So, they'd relieved each other of that burden. It had been fun, mostly, but a little clinical as neither of them had been sure of what they were doing. There was a lot of 'is that it' and 'does it go there' and not so much 'yes, yes, oh god yes' involved. Still, it had given her the basics. It had not prepared her for Jake. It had not prepared her for 'oh god I want you' and 'don't stop, don't stop, don't ... jesus'. It had not prepared her for waking up the next morning in the arms of her professor and discovering his wife's photo on the nightstand. "She doesn't understand me." Jake claimed as Janet dressed in a hurry. "I'm going to divorce her. We shouldn't have gotten married in the first place." he grabbed Janet's arm. "I wish I'd met you first." That kiss led to another that led to her undressing again and them trying more things that high school hadn't prepared Janet for. They arrived for class separately but left together. "Listen, Janet, I want you to know that I don't do this kind of thing." Jake looked serious as they stood in the parking lot. "I'm not this kind of person. I don't seduce students." "Then why me?" "Why you?" he combed her hair with his fingers. "Do you look in the mirror often? I don't know who could resist you." "Everyone." She pushed her glasses up. "You really have to stop believing that. You're beautiful." He kissed her softly. "Beauty and brains." He kissed her again. "Let's go back to your place." He whispered. "Why?" She asked. She didn't really believe he wanted to do it again. But he followed her back to her apartment ? shared with three other girls ? and he made love to her again. He ate her this time ? which was something she thought was made-up for adult videos. The orgasm left her weak and shaking and terrified that she had done something wrong. He laughed at her response. "No, sweetheart, that just means I did something right. Did it feel good?" "Oh yes." Heart-stopping-ly so. "Good. Want to return the favor?" He guided her through eating him. It was strange, putting her mouth on his organ. Tasting him in that way. But he seemed to enjoy it, he did cum. And after, he kissed her deeply. "Oh God, I hate this, but I have to go." "Go?" "She's coming back tonight." No need to say who 'she' was. "I have to be home when she and Bobby get there." "Bobby?" "My son." "Oh." Janet tried not to think about Jake but she still found herself choosing a form-fitting tee shirt and long sleeve, button down shirt to Tuesday's class instead of her usual sweatshirt. And she used a headband to hold her hair back instead of twisting it back as usual. It wasn't a big deal she told herself. She did take her usual seat in the back row. "Janet, may I see you after class?" Jake asked as she sat down. "Please?" She felt like everyone was staring at her, like they all knew just from that what they had done. "Uh. Yeah. Ok." "Thank you. Ah, Chris, you are here. May I see you after class as well?" She breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe it had nothing to do with them; maybe it was about her grade again for real. Jake finished with Chris quickly and dismissed him. He closed the door behind the boy and nearly attacked Janet, grabbing her and pushing her against the blackboard. "Last night was a nightmare." He groaned between kisses. "Four nights in a row without seeing you was hell. I couldn't get you out of my mind." "But your wife..." Janet started, not really caring. "Fuck my wife! Oh my God, Janet, I think ? I think I'm falling in love with you." "Oh Jake!" Love? Love was a foreign concept; a thing that happened to pretty girls in Disney movies. Not to girls like her. "You look sexy as hell today. I couldn't keep my eyes off you." "Really?" He unbuttoned the shirt and lifted the tee. "I just wanted to do this the whole class." He sucked one nipple then the other. "Some one will see us." But really, she wanted him to do more. "Let them." He unsnapped her jeans and pulled down the zipper. "Let the watch us. I want them to hear you cum. See you cum. It's beautiful. Cum for me, Janet." With his fingers stroking her clit and his mouth teasing her breasts, she did. Then, still leaned against the blackboard, he made love to her again. After that, it was every Tuesday and every Thursday, sometimes at her apartment and sometimes in the classroom. Once they met at the library and snuck into the men's room on the fifth floor. One weekend, when his mother-in-law was sick and his wife went to see her, Janet spent the night at his house again. And then the semester ended. Janet enrolled in Communications 202, Monday-Wednesday. Janet went out and bought new clothes for the class. A few skirts, a few more feminine tops. She went to HairClippers and got her hair styled for the first time. She even got a manicure for the first day of class. Jake came in with a tan. She waited in her usual seat after class while he locked the door and then came up to her. "You look fantastic." He gushed. He got on his knees and lifted her skirt. He pulled off her panties. "Mine." He stuffed them into his pocket. "I called you last week," she said. She hadn't meant to but she couldn't resist. "Yeah." He kissed the inside of her thighs. "I was in Aruba. She wanted to go away. A second honeymoon, she said. I told her it wouldn't work but ?" he stopped speaking and licked her. They couldn't spend a long time. Monday/Wednesday was a morning class; they didn't have time to go anywhere after. They could meet later ? for lunch ? but his classes were scheduled until 6:30pm and it didn't make sense for her to just loiter on campus for no reason. They didn't see each other as often but when they did the sex was wilder. Hotter. She began dressing more provocatively for his classes and attaching notes to her homework about what she would do to him when next they met. His mother-in-law's health became their favorite subject. The semester ended and summer session started. Janet had only one more Communications requirement and Jake didn't teach the class. They found time once a week, on Friday afternoon, before her class and after his. It was only an hour but they used the time as best they could. They had sex. He never stopped telling Janet how bad his marriage was, how it couldn't last much longer, how all the romantic get-aways were a waste of time and money. He never stopped promising her that one day he'd leave. But not now, not with 'her' mother so ill, not with Bobby so young, not in the middle of the semester or during spring break or with the school administration making so many changes. Janet knew it was hopeless. She wasn't completely stupid. It was for the sex that she stayed. And for the illusion ? which she recognized as illusion ? of a caring relationship. At some point, she knew, she would met someone who was capable of giving her the attention she deserved and she would send Jake Black packing. Dating a married man was the epitome of stupidity. Everyone knew that. She graduated, fifth in her class, with six job offers in her choice of companies. She chose the local one. Not the best paying but she wouldn't have to move and with her apartment being so close to campus, it would be that much easier for her and Jake to coordinate schedules. Jake tried too. The week of graduation, he arranged a weekend for them. A small get-away but a nice one. The honeymoon suite of the Hilton downtown. Champagne and chocolates waiting in the room. A private hot tub. They made love for two days straight. And then the excuses started. 'She' was suspicious. 'She' was worried about her mother. 'She' needed him to come home early tonight. Once a week together became once a month. Then occasionally. The sex was still amazing but much less frequent. And of all the stupid things, Janet had fallen in love with the bastard. When, she wasn't sure. Why, she couldn't begin to guess. But she had. Smart women, foolish choices, party of one. It was laughable. The wine was empty. The candles nearly burned out. Flickering. Janet watched the light and shadows play against the wall. If he were coming, he would have been there hours ago. Surely, this is the last time. Surely, this is the night that she can steel herself and cut the cord. Call him now, tell him to fuck off. Turn around; you're not welcome anymore. The passion may smolder but the fire is gone. Nothing left but the embers and they are dying. The light flickered. Flickered. And flickered again as a soft knock came at the door. Let him knock, she thought. Let him stand there all night. He knocked again and she reconsidered. He should see my face when I tell him it's over. She crossed to the door as the candle flickered out. She saw him silhouetted by the light of the hallway. "Jesus, you're beautiful." He said before sliding his arm around her and kissing deeply. It must have been Janet's imagination that brought the dancing shadows on the wall back to life. The flame went out. She saw the candle flicker out of the corner of her eye. And then she had other things on her mind. 2982 1.10/512345