Why?

WHY? By Agena Why does a married woman decide to cheat? A woman who has a nice home, a loving husband and two nice kids. Why, after fifteen years of a satisfying marriage? I kept asking this as I read the PI's report and looked at the pictures included in it. Why? I kept asking in my mind and the only thing I could come up with was that she had a mental failure of some kind. Did she love him? They only met for sex according to the report. No woman in her right mind would do such anything to jeopardize all that she had for a few minutes of guilty sex. Mental illness was all I could attribute it to as the tears ran down my cheeks. The PI had left me in an empty office to read the report; knowing I would need the privacy to assimilate what it said and to handle the emotions he knew it would invoke. I looked through the pictures and noted the almost depraved way she seemed to be indulging in sex with her lover. I recognized him as Chad Wilkens, a co-worker at the real-estate office where she worked as an agent. They'd been meeting a couple of times a week at the Motel 6 out at the interstate interchange and occasionally in our house in the guest bedroom. That's where the PI had gotten the pictures so there was no privacy issue when this went to divorce court. Afer the first time the PI saw them going into our house he'd rigged mini-cams and audio tapes in various rooms there. So now I had to decide how to confront her and when. I'd pretty much determined that I would have to divorce her. There was no way I could condone her cuckolding me and expecting me to turn the other cheek. I considered myself a Christian man but the pictures indicated such depravity and lack of respect for me that I could not conceive of any reason for me to forgive her. My name is Frank Nulund, I'm 43 and manage a super market. The job sometimes requires long hours away from my family and this is what may have contributed to my wife straying I thought. But hell, that was no reason to cheat that I could accept. My wife's name is Joan and she is 42. We'd met in college and from the time of our first date, there was never another woman for me. I'd loved and trusted her all our married lives. As I said, she works as an agent in a real-estate office and spends a lot of time away from the office, as Chad did, and I guess that's what gave them the opportunities to participate in their extracurricular activities. Chad is about our age and married to Mona, a very nice, lovely woman and they have two kids also, about the same age as ours. I'd met them at various family functions the real-estate company had supported and always thought they were a nice family. I figured the divorce could be done very amicably with irreconcilable differences as the cause if she cooperated. We made approximately the same incomes so there should be no alimony and if our son, Jeremy, 14 came to live with me and our daughter, Kim, 12 stayed with her mother, there would be no child support. The house would have to be sold and all assets split 50/50. If she didn't agree to this then I would threaten to divorce her for adultery and the PI report with all the pictures, audio tapes and videos would be made public. I thought about Chad and what this would do to his family but I didn't know how to handle that problem yet. I guess at the right time I would take the data I had and give them to his wife and let her decide. I knew it would devastate her as much as it was myself but she had to know the type. of guy she was married to and I wanted some revenge for what he'd done to my family? Just then there was a knock on the door and the PI came in. "How are you doing Mr. Nulund? Do you have any questions on the material?? "No. I guess not. It's all here as I expected." I sadly responded. "Do you want to see the videos or listen to the audio tapes? You might get a better idea of how the events transpired.? "No thanks, I couldn't take anymore than what the photos show." I answered. I really couldn't take what I'd seen as she'd totally given herself to another man and so I got up and prepared to leave. On the way out I wrote the PI a check for the balance I owed him and taking his report with the photos, audio and video tapes, I left his office. I'd taken the afternoon off and decided to just let the assistant manager handle things at the market. It was good training for him and he could reach me on my cell if needed. Stopping at a park near our home I mulled over in my mind the events that had led me to discovering my soon- to-be ex wife's adultery. I didn't want to go the house we called home because I could no longer think of it as a home; just a house where we ate and slept. I decided I would have to try to hold the family together as long as possible for the sake of the kids as they needed the security of a home. Joan is an attractive woman and keeps in shape with workout and the activities related to her job. She isn't svelte by any means as she'd filled out some after the kids were born but I'd noticed she'd lost a little weight and was tired a lot lately which I'd put down to a new diet. She still looks very nice to me. Our sex life had been frequent up to a few weeks ago and very loving but bland mostly, using the missionary position and little or no oral sex. I'd thought about broaching her on spicing up our sex life but was always afraid of her reaction to some of the fantasies I had. I didn't catch on right away as to the reduced frequency of our mating but looking back she didn't want to have sex with me on the days she'd been with Chad. But all other times our love making continued as before. It was when I accidentally saw a bank billing for her personal business card and noted charges to our local Motel 6 that I became suspicious and decided to do some checking. The PI's report was the result. Maybe I should have confronted her about it then but if she was cheating I wanted it documented. It was very expensive and I'd had to go into our retirement savings to pay for it. I determined that if he found out what I expected, I wouldn't have to worry about growing old and retiring together someday. The thing that bothered me the most was that she never seemed to change her loving attitude toward me even as she was having her affair. I wondered about how she could be so two-faced about it and act like nothing had changed in her life. She must be a good actress, I thought. What she was doing with Chad indicated she'd lost her love and respect for me as her husband and lover and her insidious behavior must be dealt with. As I sat in the park where we'd taken our kids so many times as they were growing up I could feel my eyes tearing up again and my thoughts went back over the fifteen tears of what I thought was an ideal marriage. All the good times with only occasional problems. How could she have given it up so easily? I sobbed quietly with my head back against the head rest in the quiet of the park for some time until I brought myself under control. Another thought came to me. If she truly were suffering from a mental illness could I stay with her? Our wedding vows included the words " ... in sickness and in health." Mental illness is a sickness. Could I stay in the marriage to honor that vow if she stopped her affair? But the marriage vows also included the words " ... and forsake all others." and she had certainly not done that. I decided that I could never trust her again and if I can't trust her, even though its caused by a sickness, I couldn't live with her. How could I control her and work too? So divorce was the only solution. Next, I considered how to manage the break with minimum impact on the kids and without having a major confrontation with her but first I needed to find and talk with a divorce attorney. Using my cell I called our attorney to get a recommendation from him. Jerry was surprised when I told him what I wanted but provided me with a name, Ron Jenkins, and a phone number. Before hanging up I asked him to rewrite my will removing Joan and naming our kids as the sole beneficiaries. I immediately called and made an appointment for the next morning with the divorce attorney. Then I decided to go home and try to act normal for a few more days. When I got home, Joan hadn't arrived yet, but the kids were home from school and doing their homework. I was proud that they'd disciplined themselves (with a little help) to do it as soon as they got home from school. "Dad," Kim asked. "What are you doing home so early?? "I had some business to take care of honey and rather than going back to the store afterward, I just came home to check up on you guys.? "Oh, dad. You know what hard workers we are." she responded with a roguish grin as we hugged. She was a great daughter and I was going to miss her when I split with her mother. "Oh sure you are. Isn't your mother home yet?? "No, she called and said she had a showing and would be a little late. She's bringing Chinese home for dinner.? "Sounds good to me. Is Jeremy up in his room?? "Yeah.? I wondered if Joan was meeting Chad this afternoon at Motel 6 as I went upstairs and rapped on Jeremy's door. I'd pulled off the PI as I had all the information I needed so I wasn't keeping track of her affair as I had before. Jeremy opened the door and I ruffled his hair and hugged him. "What's up dad?? "Nothing Jer. Just letting you know I'm home. How's school going?? "Good. No complaints.? We talked for a few more minutes then I went downstairs and made myself my favorite drink, scotch on the rocks, while I waited for Joan to get home. She came in a half hour later looking a little tired and pale, even a little grayish and with her recent weight loss it made her dress hang a little loose on her. Funny, I thought, she hadn't mentioned going on a diet. I watched as she took the bag of chinese into the kitchen and hugged Kim. Then she went and called upstairs for Jeremy to come for dinner before turning to me with a smile that lit up her whole face. "How was my darling husband's day?" she asked with a kiss on my cheek? "Fine." I responded returning a kiss to her cheek. "Are we grouchy about something today?" she asked with a questioning look on her face. "No, I'm fine honey. Just a busy day." I responded trying to act a little more cheerful. She looked at me with a funny expression on her face, almost like guilt I thought, and turned went back into the kitchen. I finished my scotch and went out to the kitchen to help her set the table while Kim poured the water glasses. She seemed to love me as much as she always had and it really puzzled me as to why she was suddenly needing extra sex and risk our marriage. But it would soon be a moot point since the divorce would proceed, no matter the reason for her adultery. We had a pleasant meal together as Joan told us about the showing that had delayed her. It seems it was a rather large, expensive house and her commission would be considerable. I didn't know or care whether there was a real showing or she had just indulged herself with her lover instead. I was past caring, but I tried not to reveal my inner feelings for the kid's sake as we ate. Afterward, the kids cleaned up the kitchen and while Joan was upstairs putting on more comfortable clothes, I went into the family room to watch the news. I heard the shower running upstairs and I wondered if she was washing off her lover's smell so she could give me a guilty fuck tonight. I was getting mad about her affair and beginning to think about an appropriate revenge. That night she did try to initiate sex but I put her off and rolled over away from her. I feigned sleeping and I could hear her sigh as she turned away. The next morning I was up early and out of the house before the rest were up. I left a note explaining that an important project at work needed to be finished today and I needed an early start. I really was finding it very difficult to function normally around Joan and I needed the time away from her. I did finally get into work and managed to get a few things done before I had to leave for my appointment with the divorce lawyer. When I arrived at his office I had my copy of the PI's evidence with me. His secretary ushered me immediately into his office and after introducing myself I explained what I was seeking in the way of a divorce. He glanced through the pictures and read the report and agreed that it was a reasonable plan and could be handled very easily if she agreed. If she didn't, the report, pictures and other data would provide strong leverage to get her to agree. I asked him when he could be ready to serve her with a notice of divorce and he responded by telling me a couple of days. It would take that long to prepare the papers, file them at the court house and then prepare copies for serving. I asked if he could put one of the photos of her and Chad with the divorce papers to be served so that she would know immediately the reason. He promised he would do that and he would call me as soon as the papers were ready to serve. I left and headed home. Now I had to decide how to break the news to Jeremy and Kim. The break-up of the family without any warning will devastate them I was sure. I couldn't warn them ahead of time as Joan would know before being served and part of my revenge was going to be having her served at the real-estate office. I planned it to be a total surprise that I knew about her affair. That and the notice of divorce should shock her into suddenly realizing what she had lost. It might also signal to Chad that his marriage might be in trouble also if he was there or heard about it. The kids were my biggest concern and I had to figure a way to break it to them gently. I spent the rest of the day looking for a furnished apartment that I could call home temporarily until I found something more permanent. I finally found one and put down a deposit to hold it for a few days and then headed home ... Joan was home when I got there preparing dinner. When she saw mw he smiled and gave me a warm kiss. Lordy, I thought. This woman can act and if she can do it I can too and returned her kiss with some passion. "Easy big boy. Wait till tonight and I'll give you what you're looking for.? Kim, who was doing her homework at the dining room table, cried in disgust. "Mom, that's icky.? "Sorry honey, mom got carried away for a minute." Joan laughed. I wondered if I could stomach making love to her, but she might start getting suspicious if I didn't respond to her sexual overtures. I'd put her off last night but I couldn't put it off two nights without an exclamation. If I could, I'd have to do it. "What's for dinner?" I asked with my arm still around her waist. "Its going to be burnt chicken and biscuits if I don't stop playing with you." she responded with a grin at me as she returned to her meal preparations. That night as we prepared for bed I was apprehensive about having sex with her. I really didn't want to but if my plan for revenge was to be successful I had to try. She slid into bed naked in anticipation of our love making and her body excited me like it always did but I noticed she appeared thin and I was about to ask her why she was on a diet when she grabbed me and brought her mouth to mine. What followed was some very active sex compared with what we'd previously engaged in but nothing like I saw in the pictures with Chad. But no where near as uninhibited. When we finished she relaxed in my arms. "Oh Frank, I do love you. You'll never know how much." she whispered to me as she returned my kiss. This is too much, I thought. She's screwing around on me and professing her love for me at the same time. I'm a loved cuckold. How rich can it get? Well, she'll soon discover my love for her. Too bad, because she's such a good piece of ass. "I love you too sweetheart.? There, take that you slut. She snuggled up to me and we fell asleep together. The next day and night was a repeat of that night and I knew it would be the last fuck she would get from me so I went all out to please her. I even threw in some of the stuff I'd seen in the pictures. When I was done she collapsed in my arms. "Oh Frank, oh my darling. That was awesome. You are my dearest love and I want to tell you that you are the greatest lover in the world.? I couldn't let that go by. "I love you sweetheart, but how do you know I'm the greatest lover in the world? How many guys have you been screwing?? She hesitated a moment before responding and I could almost hear the gears grinding as she tried to come up with a suitable response. "You're the only one my darling. I said that because I couldn't see how lovemaking could get any better.? Good response. She is quick. Well, tomorrow you're going to get my response you slut, I thought. Just before I drifted off to sleep, she asked me a question. "Frank?? "Yeah.? "Can we have some time to ourselves Saturday morning? I need to tell you something. I'll take the kids over to my folks and we'll have a little sit down discussion.? What the hell, is she going to confess? Well, too late baby. "Sure, fine with me. What's up?? "I'll tell you then.? "Okay? I had some difficulty getting to sleep after that thinking what would probably be going down tomorrow and how I was going to handle everything. I wondered how she was going to handle her confession. She'd make it all my fault probably. Hell, I was the best lover in the world and she loved me, so how could it be my fault. The next morning I was up early again and headed to IHOP for breakfast I didn't want to see or talk to her again. It was all over now. Later, after I got to work, I called the divorce lawyers to check on the status of the divorce filings and he told me they had been filed yesterday and they were ready to serve. I arranged to have them served on Joan at 3 PM to give me time for what I had to do. Then I took the rest of the day off. Before I left I asked my secretary that if my wife called I was out on business. Joan had gone to work and the kids to school when I got home so I changed into work clothes and then went out and rented a small moving truck from Uhaul. Going back home I began to load my personal belongings, clothes, computer, etc. I even wrestled my favorite recliner into the truck and then prepared to head for the apartment I'd rented. Just as I was getting into the cab the next door neighbor came over to see what was going on. "Frank," she asked. "Are you guys moving?? "No, just me.? "What's going on? Are you having problems?? "Joan had found other interests so I guess its time to move on.? "Oh, that's too bad, but I can't imagine Joan doing anything to screw up your marriage.? "Well, you can talk to her when she gets home tonight. I'm not sticking around. See you Alice.? I drove away leaving her watching me with a puzzled look on her face. I knew that before the day was over that most of the neighbors would hear that Joan had been screwing around on me and I'd left her. Alice was the neighborhood gossip. After unloading the truck at my apartment I turned it in and picked up my car. Returning to the apartment I stowed everything away, showered and changed my clothes. After lunch I went down to our bank and took half the money in our household account and transferred it to my own account and then spent a couple of hours taking care of insurance and other items that needed changing. At 2:30 I drove over to the middle school where the kids were attending and waited for them to leave. It took a few minutes to pick up the kids before they got on their school bus, They were both puzzled by my being there as we headed home. "How come you're picking us up dad? What's going on?" Kim asked. "I'll tell you in a minute honey." I told her as I pulled into the park near our house and parked the car. Kim was sitting in the front seat beside me and Jeremy was in the back as I turned to them. Both looking very confused. "This is very hard for me to tell you this, but I've left your mother. You'll be living with her until we work out the custody arrangements but I have my own apartment now and I'll no longer be living at home.? "Why daddy?" Kim exclaimed as tears flooded her eyes. "Why can't you be with us anymore?? Jeremy just muttered, "Oh shit!" and turned his head away to avoid us seeing his tears. "I'm really sorry you guys, and I can't explain the reason, but you have to remember that we both love you and we'll always be there for you. You're both going to have to support your mother and be there for her, but our marriage is broken and I don't think it can be repaired. We'll be there as your mom and dad, but we won't be doing it together.? Kim was openly crying now and I reached over and tried to hug her over the console. I hated to see my little girl cry. Why did Joan do this to us? I asked myself. Look what its doing to our kids. Finally, calm was restored somewhat and I drove them to the house where I no longer lived. Before leaving them there I gave them both hugs. Tears were still running down their faces and mine too. You guys go and do your homework and try to keep your minds occupied. Your mother will be home soon I expect and I don't think she will be too happy so be prepared to support her. You can call me on your cells at my cell phone number if you need anything and I'll be calling you on yours to see how you're doing... I'm real sorry about this but sometimes things happen over which we have no control and this is one of those times.? I left them and headed over to my apartment. Looking at my watch I saw it was just after 3 PM. Joan ought to be getting the bad news about now. It was about 5 PM that same day when my cell phone rang. I looked at caller ID and saw it was my in laws phone calling. Apprehensively I answered it. "Hello.? "Frank?" I heard my father-in-law, Sam speaking. "Yeah Sam. What can I do for you?? I liked Sam. We had always gotten along fine together. "Frank, Joan is in the hospital.? "The hospital?? "Yeah, they brought her here from work. She collapsed there a couple of hours ago. Right after they served the divorce papers on her. She had them call us. What the hell is going on Frank?? "Sam, she been running around on me and I found out about it.? "Oh shit, are you sure? That doesn't sound like her.? "I have the PI's report, pictures, video and audio. Its all there.? "Oh damn. This will kill her mother.? "How is Joan doing?? "She's had a severe shock but I've also found out something else. She's dying.? The words, 'she's dying' just seem to stun me for a minute before I responded asking for clarification. "What do you mean 'she's dying'?? "She has pancreatic cancer and its terminal. They're only giving her a few more weeks to live.? "My god, I didn't know that Sam. She never told me. How long has she known?? "She's pretty heavily tranquilized but she was able to say about three months. She's really distraught. Can you come to the hospital? I think she wants to see you.? My mind was in a maelstrom of confusion. Joan terminal? What did I want to do. Damn, I've already told the kids I'm leaving her. The kids; oh shit, they're home alone. "I'll come as soon as I can, but I've got to see about the kids. They're at home alone.? "Where are you at?? "I'm over in my apartment.? "You had it all planned out?? "Yes, I wanted to hurt her as much as she hurt me. I loved that woman and I trusted her. There are no excuses for breaking vows we make before God.? "I guess I can understand that.? "I've got to get over to the house now. Do you know how long they're going to keep her there?? "At least over night. They want to keep an eye on her.? "Okay if I bring the kids up this evening?? "I think she prefers they stay away. She'll be going home tomorrow. She should be able to cope better then. Are you going to make it here tonight?? "This is such a mess. I don't know what to do now. I'll stay with the kids tonight and tell her we'll talk tomorrow. I'll get the kids off to school and then come get her.? "All right Frank. I'll tell her. We'll stay here until she goes to sleep.? After hanging up I got in my car and headed back to the house. As I was driving my phone rang. It was Kim's cell. "Hello Kim.? "Daddy, mom isn't home yet. Has something happened to her.? "I'm on my way home now honey. I'll explain when I get there. It should only be a few more minutes.? "Okay, bye.? Lord, what was I going to tell the kids. This was such a mess. Why didn't she tell me she was terminal? Maybe this explains, somehow, why she had the affair. She must have started it after she was told about her illness. No wonder she was losing weight and was tired all the time. Pulling into the drive way at home, Kim came running out the door to greet me. Jeremy stood in the doorway, watching. "Daddy, where's mommy?? "She's in the hospital baby. She fainted and they took her in for a check up. Grandpa Sam called and she's doing fine so don't worry; we'll see her tomorrow when she comes home. They're just keeping her over night to make sure she's okay.? I took her hand and we went inside. I put my arm around Jeremy's shoulder to reassure him. He seemed to appreciate the gesture. "How would you guys like to go out to eat?? After dinner at our favorite pizza restaurant we went back to the house ... I called Sam to see how Joan was doing and he said she was sleeping comfortably and they were getting ready to go home ... I reiterated to him that I would be in to see her in the morning and bring her back home. We had lots of things to talk about. He agreed with me. Before the kids went to bed Jeremy asked, "Are you coming back home dad?? I thought a moment before answering. "It looks like I may have to Jer. You guys plan to go to school tomorrow and then I'll probably bring your mother home. We can have a family discussion tomorrow evening. Okay?? "Yeah, that's fine.? Kim, who was listening asked, "Do you still love mom, dad?? "I've always loved your mom honey. Its just that something made it so I couldn't live here anymore, but I may have to come back to help your mom for awhile.? She smiled at my response that I was coming back home. I gave them both a hug before they went to their rooms. After they left I made myself a drink and then sat in front of the TV looking at the blank screen for awhile. Yes, I'd have to come back home. If she was dying she wouldn't be able to look after the house and the kids. We would have to talk tomorrow before the kids got home to iron out living arrangements. I would have to assume there was a tie-in between her affair and being told her anticipated life spa was severely shortened. Maybe I would finally find out 'why?'. There were a myriad of things I would have to do including canceling the divorce action. There was no sense pursuing a divorce with a terminally ill person. I'd have to give up the apartment too. Lord, why didn't she tell me about it. Why keep it a secret? We might have been able to work something out. Thinking about her and our fifteen years together and the thought of losing her suddenly made me very sad. Maybe it was the alcohol but it like I was suddenly covered with a pall of grief. It had been such a stressful day and to have it end like this must have been too much because I felt the tears running down my cheeks. In my haste for revenge I'd charged ahead without talking to her or confronting her. Now I would have to take the time to find out 'why'. We had nowhere else to go if she only had a few weeks to live. Her actions breaking our wedding vows meant I did not have to honor my obligations to our marriage but I couldn't throw her out now. I did still have responsibilities as a fellow human being and a parent. The next morning I was up early and got the kids ready for school. Kim was excited about seeing her mother when she got home from school. "Have you heard how mom is doing this morning daddy?? "I haven't had time to call yet honey, I'm sure if there was a problem they'd have called us. Do you have everything ready for school?? "Yes, its all in my backpack.? "Okay then, let's get going. The bus will be along in a few minutes. You all set Jer?? "Yeah, I'm ready.? "Okay, see you later then. Have a good day.? After they went out, I stood on the porch watching until the bus came and then went back inside. Before I picked up Joan, I needed to bring my stuff back home, so I called the truck rental place and got the same truck reserved. They promised to have it ready as soon as I arrived. I called the hospital and asked for Joan's room. She was having breakfast when I called but started crying as soon as she heard my voice. "Oh Frank, I'm so sorry. Can we talk?? "I'm going to come get you about noon, Joan. I have some things to do first and after we get home we can talk Are you sure they're going to release you?? "Oh yes, the doctor was in and he said a could go home this morning. I'm so sor...? "Save it until we get home Joan." I'll see you later." I broke in gently. "Alright." I heard back in a small, weepy voice. Putting on my work clothes I headed for Uhaul to pick up the truck. It took a little less than two hours to get me stuff moved back home. Then I showered and changed clothes again and took the tuck back to Uhaul. I picked up my car there and headed to the hospital. Joan was waiting for me, all dressed, sitting in a wheel chair in the hospital lobby when I got there. Her parents were with her and I was stricken by her appearance. Since I'd seen her yesterday morning, she looked like she's aged ten years. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying and her pallor was almost a grayish yellow. However, I steeled myself from taking her in my arms. "Are you all ready to go?? "Yes, they released me a little while ago. I've just been waiting for you." she sobbed out. "C'mon then". I told her with some kindness in my voice as I didn't want her to start a scene in the hospital lobby. "Let's go home.? Sam spoke up then. "She's our daughter but she's your wife and we gave her to you in marriage. If your marriage is finished we'd like to have her back with us.? "I hear you Sam and I recognize my responsibilities as a husband even though your daughter has broken her marriage contract with me. We'll be talking when we get home and I'll let you know.? "Okay Frank. If you go get your car I'll wheel her out when you get back.? "Thank you." I responded as I hurried out to get my car. Later, as we drove home Joan started to speak. "Frank, I'm so sorry. I know nothing can tell you how sorry I am.? "Joan, why don't you wait until we get home. We'll have time to talk before the kids get home.? "Are you going to throw me out Frank?? "No, if you are as sick as your dad says you are then we will stay together. This is going to be very hard on Jeremy and Kim. I've already told them that we were splitting up, but not why. I've rented an apartment and moved out yesterday but I moved back home this morning. I guess the biggest thing you're going to have to explain to me is 'why?'. Why did you do it and why did you do those things with Chad you never did with me? I think I deserve an answer and when we get home I want you to tell me 'why?' If your dad hasn't told you; I hired a PI and I have his report with pictures, video and audio recordings when you met Chad in our guest room. So there's nothing you can say that will disprove your actions.? Joan just sat in the passenger seat with her head down quietly crying. "Alright Frank, I'll try to tell you.? We drove along in silence, except for her weeping, until we got home. I helped her inside and up to our bedroom when she said she'd like to shower and change her clothes before we sat down to talk. While she was doing that I made us soup and sandwiches for lunch. After lunch we sat at the kitchen table across from one another and looked at her. "Go ahead Joan. I want to hear it now before the kids get home.? "Alright. I don't know whether you remember or not, but about three months ago I was having stomach pains I thought was indigestion or heart burn. Well, after a couple of weeks and the pain didn't stop and I couldn't relieve it with antacids I went to see our family doctor and he sent me out for tests and a cat scan. I did all this without telling you because I didn't want to worry you or the kids unnecessarily. My job lets me get out of the office at odd times and I took advantage of it.? "When he got the results he made arrangements for me to see an internist. He did some more tests and finally told me I had a case of pancreatic cancer and there wasn't much they could do for me. He told me that it was discovered so late that treatment would be ineffective and I had only a matter of weeks to live. I was finally going to tell you about it this Saturday.? "It struck me very hard that I would be leaving you and Jeremy and Kim. I didn't know what to do or how to tell you or the kids. One thing that also kept going through my mind was that I was so young and really hadn't lived yet.? "Sometimes when you aren't around I went to X rated sites on the computer and watched certain sex acts that really turned me on. I always wanted to do some of them but I never mentioned it to you because I was afraid you'd lose respect for me. I wanted your memory of me to be unsullied with thoughts that I was a slut. So I was in a terrible quandary and my judgment was clouded by the thought my time was running out fast. I wanted the experience of being a slut before I went, but the one who I should have talked to about it was you. But I didn't want you to remember me as a slut.? "I knew that Chad was into pornography because I'd hear him talking to a couple of other guys in the office one day when they didn't know I could hear. So I got up my nerve one day and asked him about it and he admitted to having a bunch of videos that he could show me. So, one afternoon we went over to his place and he put on several X rated videos. They got me so hot that we got involved. It wasn't as good as I'd hoped it would be or as fulfilling as when we did it, but I kept hoping it would get better. We even did it in our guest room a couple of times as you know. I would never let him in our bed. The last time we did it was in the guest room and I tried to make it as good as the videos showed it to be but I couldn't enjoy it and I finally convinced myself that it was never going to get better so I ended it with him. I know that what I did was terribly self- centered on my part and I did it without thought of you or our children. My only excuse is that when I received the word that I was terminal with only a few weeks or months to live my mind went blank and I could only think about myself.? "Now I want to sincerely apologize and be allowed to come back home and spend the time I have left with my family. There is no way I can ever atone with what I've done and I can't ask you to forgive me but I hope you can some day. I know that your respect for me I tried to preserve is totally gone because of my actions. I'd hoped when I started my affair that I could act like a slut and keep it a secret because I knew if you found out you would take the actions you did. I'm ready to take what ever punishment you want to give me because I need in my soul to be cleansed of the sins I've committed. You are the one I love and respect above anyone else and I need your punishment for my absolution.? I sat there for a few minutes after she had finished looking at her. She had turned her face down looking at the table and continued to do so, waiting for my response. Finally, I determined what I needed to say in response to her confession? "Joan, I'm so very disappointed that you did what you did and not come to me first and that you so completely shut us out of your thinking and your life. I can understand the shock when you were informed about your shortened mortality, but to completely cut yourself off from me because you wanted to do something that you were afraid I would have found offensive is beyond my reasoning ability. I would have gone along with anything you wanted to do. My love for you would have transcended all thoughts of withholding myself from just about anything you needed. I am your husband and when we married we became one entity with love as the cohesive force binding us together... I should have been the one to support you in what you wanted to do.? "It seems almost funny now, but during our married life I've wanted to do things in bed with you, but I was afraid you would reject me and lose your respect for me. Now I find out we had the same desires, but we never communicated with one another about them and look where its gotten us.? "As they say, its all water under the bridge now and yes, I want you to stay home here with us as long as you can. You've made a terrible mistake that I'm struggling to forgive you for, but I have a better understanding now regarding the 'why' of your actions and maybe that will help me come to grips with it. Maybe you should sleep in the guest room for awhile until the dust settles a little.? "I'm probably going to have to hire someone to come in and do the laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. We may have to eventually convert the dining room into a bedroom for you when you can't get up the stairs anymore, but we'll worry about that later.? "Thank you Frank. I appreciate being here with my family and I'll try not to be a burden.? "I don't want you to think your going to be a burden. Its our responsibility and we will do whatever is necessary to support you. You're my wife and you're their mother and nothing will be spared in time or money for whatever time you have left. "Thank you honey." she told me as she reached tentatively across the table and took my hand. "When the kids find out about you're condition its going to be hard on them. Its going to come on top of me leaving you and that hit them pretty hard. I told them we'd have a family meeting to discuss everything when they got home from school.? Her face saddened again as she thought about our children. "We have to do it, I guess. They're old enough now, but its still going to be hard; specially on Kim." she acknowledged while she continued to grip my hand. I didn't pull away from her. .The meeting with the kids took place soon after they got home from school. Kim exhibited her joy to find her mother back home whereas Jeremy was less demonstrative but seemed relieved to see her again. They both wanted to know if we were still mad at one another and if we were back together for good? We assured them that mom was back home for good but some problems still needed to be worked out in our relationship and their mother would be sleeping in the guest room for awhile... I assured them that the problems would be worked out soon and they seemed satisfied. I guess it was my job to go on to the family discussion that was not going to be pleasant, but had to be done and put behind us so we could go on. "You know guys, there are some other changes that we need to talk about. Your mom won't be going back to work. She'll be staying home and we're all going to have to help her as much as we can. We'll be hiring someone soon to come in and help while I'm working and you're in school so she won't be alone.? Kim, looking puzzled at first, was the first to speak. "Are you sick mom?? Joan was sitting beside Kim and put her arm around her shoulders. "Yes, I am honey and its going to get worse.? Kim's eyes widened as she absorbed why her mother had told her. "What is it mom.? "Its cancer baby and it can't be cured.? "You're not going to get better?? Comprehension was dawning on Kim's face and I heard Jeremy mutter, "oh shit!? Tears were forming in Kim's eyes and starting to run down her cheeks. "Are you going to die mom?? "Yes, I am baby. We all have to die someday and mommy's turn is coming early. God is calling me home to be with him.? Kim turned and buried her face on Joan's shoulder and threw her arms around her neck crying. "I don't want you to die. You can't die. I won't let you? Joan had her arms wrapped around Kim as I turned to Jeremy. Tears were running down his cheeks as I put my arms around him. "What's she got?" he choked out. "Cancer Jer. Pancreatic cancer. There's nothing they can do.? Needless to say for the next hour there was a lot of crying and praying before some sort of acceptance was reluctantly achieved. Kim still refused to believe that her mother was going to leave her and I recognized that she would need strong family support from another woman when Joan was gone. Finally, in an attempt to regain some semblance family normalcy I called and ordered some pizza to be delivered. Kim sat on her mothers lap hugging her tightly and sobbing as Joan tried to console her while waited for the pizza to be delivered ... I was amazed at how well Joan was holding up but knew that she was a good mother and would be there for her children as long as she could. Tears were running down my cheeks too. After a couple of days there was a degree of acceptance to our situation. Our parents and siblings were informed and they gathered together to provide support. Joan's mother, Marge, moved in with us and took charge of the household. Of course Joan had to relinquish the guest room for her mother and I was happy about that. I'd missed her in our bed and by making her stay in the guest room I determined it was just a cheap revenge against a terminally ill woman and I couldn't rationalize doing it anymore. The first night back together was memorable. We no longer had the inhibitions that had plagued us for all our married lives and Joan was very repentant and wanted to make this special for me. I was conflicted because she'd done some of these things with another man first and while married to me. However, I thought about the little time she had left, knowing her love for me and our fifteen years of marriage I decided to give her the lustful intimacy and love she desired. Her body was slimmer but still desirable when she came to me in our bed, naked and what started as a tender kiss quickly turned into a very passionate one. Our foreplay was long and just as passionate and when she performed oral sex on me it was the most thrilling and erotic thing she's ever done with me. Somehow, she managed to swallow my cock and before I could warn her I orgasmed in her throat. After I finished she came up smiling and licking her lips before giving me another another very passionate kiss. The taste of me was in her mouth but I reveled in the eroticism of the moment and plunged my tongue into her mouth to share the unique taste. This was the most erotic thing we'd ever done. She was gasping for breath and tears rolling down her cheeks and I was concerned. "What's the matter honey? Should I stop?? "Oh no, don't stop. I'm so hot and happy that I never want you to stop." Do me my loving husband, do me. Fuck me good." she pleaded. I smiled at her. I'll do you, you wench. I'll do you." and proceeded to kiss down her body; stopping at each nipple to pay homage and then moving further down to her navel before moving down to my ultimate goal at the juncture of her thighs. A loud moan escaped her as my tongue began exploring between her labia her her hands grabbed the back of my head and pressed my face deeper into her groin as I continued my ministrations of her most intimate part. "Good, good good!" she whispered as she bucked her hips up against my tongue and lips. I moved my tongue and found her clit which brought a larger reaction with a stiffening of her body and renewed pressure on the back of my head. I continued to manipulate her clit with my tongue and and I felt her passion erupt with a throbbing intensity? "Oh god, Oh god! I'm cumming. I'm cumming!? She slowly relaxed under me and the pressure on the back of my headed eased as her orgasm ebbed away into a memory of intense pleasure. I looked up at her face and was awed at the look of adoration she bestowed on me. "Oh, that was good. So good. Come and fuck me now. Put your nice hard cock into me and fuck me.? We were using words that we had never used before in our love making and it seemed as though we had lost all our inhibitions and our libidos were racing together toward the mutual culmination of our lust. I entered her wet vagina with one thrust and she groaned again and wrapped her legs around my hips. I began a rhythmic thrusting and soon had her crying out as she tightened her legs around me to draw me in tighter. I could feel her body begin to stiffen in anticipation of her orgasm and I increased the speed of my thrusts to try to make have my orgasm with hers and I was lucky. Just as she groaned and tightened her hold on me in orgasmic bliss I began to pump my semen into her. There seemed to be a loud roaring in my ears as I achieved another tremendous orgasm. As our bodies relaxed and while I continued to lay on her, I kissed her gently on the lips and she began to cry. "Oh my darling husband, you have given me pleasure far beyond anything that I have ever experienced before. I was such a fool to not come to you to fulfill my fantasies. I am so sorry." she wailed.? "My darling, I have to share some of the blame with you because if I'd told you my fantasies, what you did would never have happened. Let's just go on without further recriminations and enjoy the rest of our lives together." Epilogue We had a few more similar sessions and I even managed to eat a couple of cream pies from her, but in a couple of weeks we had to slow down because she began to lose strength as the cancer grew. As I watched her body waste away all I could do was hold her to me as she slept. It was at those times I cursed myself for not having shared my fantasies with her and thought about all the years we had wasted. I forgave her for her affair, because I don't know what I would have done under the same circumstances had I been told I only had a short time to live. I had my own unfulfilled fantasies that I may have tried to explore before I died. Joan lived for another month and at the end she was so heavily sedated that she just slid away from us. I was there, holding her hand, as she left me. Even though her death had been anticipated I was still grief stricken for quite awhile. Thankfully, Marge stayed with us after the funeral for awhile, but she had to leave eventually to go home and look after Sam. I hired a housekeeper to come in and prepare the evening meals and clean. The kids and I learned to do the laundry so we manage to get by. Before she died Joan had told me to find another wife after she was gone because Kim needed another woman to confide in and guide her and I would need a companion too. I'm still looking and I'm still wondering whether to break up Chad's happy home or not ... I'll let him sweat a little while longer. 5773 1.49/512345