I Do Only Means Maybe, If You’re Lucky

I DO MEANS MAYBE, IF YOU'RE LUCKY I want to thank the Hip and Knee Doc for all his help in making this story a lot more acceptable than my last ones. This story should be mandatory reading for all 30+-year-old guys who are even thinking about tying the knot again. The under twenty crowd are still thinking with their little heads, so what I say won?t make a whole hell of a lot of difference to them. I only wish I had read and took advise from this before I got married the second time, and maybe I wouldn?t be in the mess I?m in right now. In other words, the gals will hate this story and the guys will love it. I hope so anyway. ?You can?t be serious, Steve, as there?s no way I?m going to sign this,? Ann said as she read the first paragraph. ?This is a joke right? Who put you up to this? Was it Andy, Bill, whoever did, its not very funny Steve,? my fiancée of two years informed me. ?Hon, it?s not a joke and I?ve got no problem with signing it, so why should you?? I asked her as Ann continued reading paragraph after paragraph. ?No one in their right mind would sign this,? she yelled. ?How about this?? she said pointing to a paragraph on the second page. ?It says here, that if I refuse you sex, I?m obligated to pay for someone to have sex with you. Are you completely nuts?? ?But it works both ways hon. If I refuse you, the same applies to me. That?s fair isn?t it?? I said trying to keep Ann from blowing her cork, though it didn?t work. ?You?ve ruined the damn mood for tonight? she told me. ?When you get your head out of your ass, call me,? she said while slamming the front door. ?Well, that went well,? I said to myself while picking up the papers on the floor and putting them back in order. I knew that she was going to be pissed, and I thought; ?better now than later,? as I got a Corona from the fridge. You may think that I?m some kind of an asshole, but all I want is to be happy in my upcoming marriage, that?s all. My name?s Steve, and the lovely lady that just left in a huff is my fiancée, Ann. We?ve been together for almost three years and up until ten minutes ago, she was, as she would also call me, my ?soul mate?. I?ve been thinking about this pre-nup for the last six months, and finally got the nerve, or balls as my friends call it, to actually put it down on paper, with the help of Greg, a lawyer friend of mine. ?Damn it Steve, she?s going to hit the ceiling when she reads this,? Greg told me. ?Can you video her response? I?d love to see it, especially when she gets to sections two and three,? he said with a laugh and added, ?I only wish I would have had the nerve to do, what you?re doing before Peggy and I got married. What happens if Ann refuses to sign it? You?ve only got ninety days until the wedding?? ?Good question,? I replied. ?I?m not sure, but I?m leaning towards it being a deal- breaker,? I told him. ?I?ve got time, I?ll let it slide for a week or two and then bring it up again.? So, that?s how it started. As you can probably guess, I?ve been married before. In truth, it was great at first, but was a complete disaster at the end, but only in my eyes. Carla thought, even to the day I served her with papers, that we had a great marriage. She was in shock when I told her that I?d been planning the end of it for over a year. You see, my definition of marriage and that of my ex-wife?s were totally different. There was the love, honor and obey in our marriage vows, but that lasted only for the first couple of years. Unfortunately, after that, all bets were off. Carla and I were in lust with each other from the first day we met. If we weren?t eating, we were screwing. If we weren?t in school, we were in bed; get the picture? We couldn?t get enough of each other, even after we were married. After four years of such activity, we had two kids; Danny and Sue; who were; one year apart. Even with two kids, we still found the time to do it four to five times a week. Talk about being in heaven. At about the eighth year, things started to cool a bit, and by the tenth it was starting to get a little frigid. By year twelve, sex had all but stopped. There was the mercy fuck, or pity sex if I complained long and loud enough, but it was quick and to the point; get me off without breaking a sweat. I tried talking to her, suggested a marriage counselor and even threatened divorce, but nothing made any difference. The straw that broke the camels back was when I came home one day to twin beds in our bedroom. ?No way,? I yelled, as I threw one mattress out the window, as Carla tried to get me to settle down. ?I?ll start the stinking paperwork tomorrow and in three months we?ll be divorced,? I told her as the box spring followed the mattress out the window. ?I?ll have Greg start the paperwork and you?ll have it by Thursday,? I said stomping down the stairs as my kids wondered what the hell was going on. ?Sorry kids. Your mother pushed me over the edge this time,? I said almost running out to my car. I had to get the hell away from her before I did something I?d regret. ?What a bitch,? I said to myself as I washed down the peanuts with my fifth beer. ?I?ve given her everything and I guess that wasn?t enough,? I thought as I finished number five and motioned the bartender for number six. ?I should have put my foot down years ago, so it?s my own damn fault,? I told myself as I took a swig of number six. I think that I had eight or nine beers, but I?m not sure. All I know is that I must have handed Greg?s business card to the cab driver, because that?s where I woke up the following morning, with the worst hangover of my life. ?I guess there really is life after death,? Greg said as he handed me a cup of black coffee. ?I found you on my doorstep at 1:30 this morning.? ?Peggy and I got you as far as the couch, but in your condition, the floor would have been just as good,? he said with a laugh. ?You want to tell me what brought you to this point?? ?Is Peggy around?? I asked. ?No, she?s upstairs getting the baby ready. Why?? he replied. ?Carla surprised me with twin beds last night. I guess I went a little crazy and threw one of them out the window,? I told Greg through my haze. ?Things have gotten downright cold in the bedroom and this was the last straw. I completely snapped,? I said taking a sip of coffee. ?I need you to draw up divorce papers as soon as possible. I?m going to take care of the rest of my stuff today and want her served tomorrow if possible. She can have the house until the kids turn 18, and we?ll split everything else 50/50. I just want it done and over,? I told him. ?Easy Steve. Don?t you want to think about this a little? Maybe you?re still a little drunk from last night?? he asked me. ?At least, talk to Carla. You?ve got nothing to lose, do you?? ?I?ve tried, that for the last couple of years and have gotten nowhere. I?m tired of fighting. She?s got her job, her country club membership, her friends, and a nice house. What more does she need? Not me, that?s for sure. I take care of the kids 80% of the time because she?s off doing what?s important to her, which leaves me out in the cold. No more. Just do the paperwork, have her served, and we?ll let the chips fall where they may,? I said putting on my shoes. ?All right, but your going to take a financial beating,? Greg told me. ?You?re looking at a minimum of 25 to 30% in child support plus expenses. Steve, we?re probably talking about somewhere in the area of 35% of your net income being taken out until the kids turn 18, and that doesn?t include if they go to college.? ?I?d pay twice that amount to be happy again, because right now I?m absolutely miserable. The kids and I will cope with the divorce and Carla can go to hell for all I care,? I said standing up for the first time. ?If I can steal another cup of coffee, I?ll be out of your hair. I?ve got to get my ass in gear, because I?ve got a lot to do today.? I thanked him for the use of his couch and told him to call me on my cell when it was done. I called work and told them that I needed a couple of days off to take care of a personal matter. I changed my withholdings and took Carla off my life and health insurance policies. I cancelled all our joint credit cards and went to the bank and took out 50% of both our savings and checking accounts. We both had cars that were paid off, so I figured we?d each just keep our own. I was having a late lunch, when I realized that I?d turned off my cell phone last night. ?Damn,? Carla had filled up my mailbox with messages. At least now I know how messages it takes to fill up a voice mail account; fifty-three. ?Screw her,? I thought as I started to delete them all without listening to one. My next stop was the apartment complex a block from where I worked. The apartments weren?t anything great, but at least they were cheap and cheap was what I was looking for. However, they asked for ?five and a quarter for a furnished one bedroom.? I was a little shocked. That was double what I had paid for my last apartment, but that was many years ago. I signed a lease on a month-to-month basis. It was a little more than I wanted to pay, but I wanted to leave my options open as soon as possible. Now came the hard part. I had to sneak home and grab some clothes for work tomorrow, and I didn?t have a clue where Carla was. ?Damn I can?t win,? I said to myself as I drove past my house and saw her car in the driveway. ?There?s no way I want to get into an argument with her before she?s served tomorrow,? I thought, so I went to J. C Penney and bought a change of clothes. I finally had dinner at about 7:30 that night, and then checked into the Day?s Inn. Unfortunately, I tossed and turned for the rest of the night. Was I making the right decision? I think I was. The next morning I had another thirty-five messages from Carla, which I erased, and one from Greg, that I listened to. ?The paperwork is done. Carla is going to be served about 9:30 this morning at work, and Peggy thinks you?re an ass. Good luck, because you?re going to need it. Call me if you need anything else,? he told me. So it began. It was about 2:00 in the afternoon when I heard, ?Do you hate me that much Steve?? I looked up and saw Carla standing in front of my desk. ?No Carla, I don?t hate you. I?m just tired of being unhappy. That?s all,? I replied. ?All this because of twin beds? If it?s that big of a deal, we?ll go back to our old bed,? she said like she was placating one of the kids. ?You still don?t get it do you? Look Carla, this isn?t the time or place to air out our dirty laundry. I?ll meet you at the house after work and we can talk for, whatever that?s worth,? I told her. ?Anyway, I want to see the kids and I need to pickup a few changes of clothes. I?ll see you about six,? I told her. ?I?ll have dinner waiting for you. See you tonight. Just remember, I still love you,? she said and walked out. At 6:05, I pulled into the driveway. My kids came out to greet me and asked, ?What the heck was going on dad, are you and mom getting a divorce?? I wasn?t about to discuss it with them on the driveway, so I just told them that their mom and I were having problems. Dinner was unusually quiet and after the dishes were cleared, Carla told the kids to go upstairs, ?Your dad and I need to talk in private,? she told them. They gave me a big hug, told me that they loved me, and walked sadly upstairs to their bedrooms. ?Good kids,? I said out loud. ?I never wanted to hurt them,? I said softly so they couldn?t hear. ?How about me Steve, you just want to hurt me? Are you ready to throw away twelve plus years of marriage without even talking to me?? she asked. ?I?ve tried to talk to you Carla, God knows I?ve tried, but you just wouldn?t listen or you didn?t care enough about us to try and work out our problems,? I told her. ?Why the hell would you bring in twin beds without talking to me about it?? ?Well, you toss and turn a lot at night and your snoring has gotten worse? she replied. ?And our bed was old and worn out, so I thought it might be nice to have a new bed.? ?Beds, beds, Carla not bed,? I shouted a bit. ?But the amount of action that bed has seen in the last couple of years, I can?t image how we?d ever wear it out,? I said staring at her. ?Hell Carla, I was probably tossing and turning because I had D.S.B. most of the time,? I told her. ?D.S.B?? she asked with a puzzled look on her face. ?You know, deadly semen backup,? I told her. ?Also, I need to know how long you?ve been cheating on me?? I asked a flabbergasted Carla. ?What?? she screamed. ?How can you accuse me of cheating?? she yelled. ?I love you, and I?d never cheat on you. I don?t understand how you think I could do something so low?? ?Well, I figured you were getting your needs satisfied somewhere else, because you?re sure as hell not getting it from me anymore,? I told her. ?We make love all the time Steve. How can you say that?? ?Carla, we haven?t made love in years, and the sex we?ve had lately has been pretty pitiful at best,? I told her. ?The last time was about a month ago, and I basically used your body to masturbate myself. However, oh yes, I do remember you did move a bit. Oh I?m sorry, that was you breathing wasn?t it?? I said sarcastically. ?Carla we have had no sex life for a long time and I can?t live that way any longer.? ?Well, if it?s just sex you want, why didn?t you just ask? I can do that,? she said. ?I don?t want sex from you. I can go downtown and have sex with some whore. I want to make love with you, like we used to. But you really don?t miss it anymore, do you?? I asked. ?We?re just so busy with work, the kids, and our activities. There?s never seems to be enough time,? she told me. ?You haven?t had enough time to tell your husband you love him, and not enough time to make love with the man who loves you more than anything on earth, but I guess there is enough time for the country club and all the volunteer work you do. I hope it was all worth it,? I said as I got another beer. ?I?ve already split up our finances, cancelled our credit cards, and I?m in the process of finalizing the rest.? ?I?ve already put Greg on a retainer, so you?ll have to find yourself another attorney,? I told her. ?Steve, don?t you want to even try?? she asked. ?What?s the point, Carla? Are you ready to change? I doubt that very much. If this was last year, or even six months ago, I might have given it a shot, but the twin beds were the final straw.? ?Steve, the old bed is back in our room,? she said sounding desperate. ?I don?t want a divorce. We can go to counseling. I know I can change,? she pleaded. I thought for a minute as I looked at a now tearful Carla. ?All right, here?s my deal. I have an apartment by work for the next month. You set up the counseling sessions and we?ll go as often as you want. If we?re making progress, after a month, I?ll move back in, and we?ll try again. If not, I?ll file the divorce papers,? I told her. ?We?ll have dinner two nights a week as a family, and still do the things together we?ve always done. I?m willing to give it one more shot, but I need you on board 100% of the time, if this has any chance of working,? I told Carla. ?Yes, anything you want,? she told me. ?I love you Steve, I guess I got my priorities kind of screwed up. The kids will be happy we?re not splitting up also. They?ve been really depressed since you left. I?ll get everything setup tomorrow. I?ll show you how much you mean to me,? she said, now smiling. For once, Carla backed up her talk with actions. She became the loving wife of old, at least on the outside. We talked, and I mean really talked about how we?d drifted apart and for the first time ever, she told me that lately, sex with me had gotten boring. ?Boring, fucking boring?? I yelled. ?Why in the hell didn?t you say something? Am I supposed to be a stinking mind reader?? I said in one of our sessions. ?I tried to bring in a few things to spice it up, but you shot me down every time I did. You still got off, didn?t you?? I asked. ?You had to have, or you?re the best damn actress on the planet,? I shouted out loud. ?I didn?t say I never climaxed. It?s just that we did it the same way almost every time,? she told the counselor and me. ?Maybe we could spice it up a little?? We were making progress and after three weeks, I decided to move back home the following Saturday. I did mention that it was on a trial basis only, but all she heard was that I was moving back. We hadn?t even attempted sex for the last three weeks, but did talk about it a lot. ?Maybe, I?ve got the old Carla back,? I thought as I moved the last of my clothes back into the closet. I could only hope so. Saturday night, I was too whipped to do anything more than take a shower and climb into bed, but Carla did spoon with me until I fell asleep. Sunday morning she greeted me with a kiss and asked if I wanted to fool around. ?Fool around? No. I wanted to do some serious banging though,? I whispered to her. And that?s what we did. It was hot and heavy, but very quiet, so we didn?t wake up the kids. I ate her, while she stroked me to get my dick good and hard. I knew, even with all the jacking off over the past couple of weeks, that I wasn?t going to last long, so I climbed aboard and started with long, slow, and deliberate strokes. Carla lay there with her eyes closed moaning and pushing up to meet my every stroke. On every other stroke, I?d reach down and rub her clit, fully knowing that I wasn?t going to last much longer. ?Oh God,? I yelled as I started dropping my loads into her as I feverishly pounded her pussy and all the while working her clit. ?Yes, yes, yes, don?t stop,? Carla shouted, as I finished and continued to work on her and I was still rock-hard and inside her cunt. It didn?t take more than thirty seconds of work, before I felt her climax. ?Oh Christ,? she yelled as she wrapped her legs around me and ground her pussy onto my dick. She kept it up for another minute before releasing me. ?That was nice,? she said while smiling up at me. ?I agree. It?s been too long since we?ve done this,? I replied. ?But we?re not done yet,? I told her as I went to work on her pussy with my tongue. I?m not one for cream pies, including my own, but I had to make a point. I?d be willing to do anything to get our sex- life back on track. Holy be Jesus, I must have shot a gallon of sperm up her snatch, as I watched it ooze out of her as I licked her clit and fingered her cunt. It took longer than I thought it would, but I got Carla off a second time. Her second climax wasn?t as intense as her first, but I think she enjoyed it, if her moaning was any indication. We showered together, and I made pancakes and sausages for breakfast. We spent the day doing family things, mostly shopping, and I figured Carla and I had turned the corner in our relationship. For the next year, we were a whole hell of a lot better. It wasn?t like we were newlyweds again, but it wasn?t like we had been for the past three years either. I was more attentive to her needs, and gave her ?more space,? something that she?d requested. Then it started again. It was such a slow progression that I didn?t realize it until it was too late. Carla had just turned me down again, for the second time this week; something about menstrual cramps and I had let it slide. It didn?t hit me until days later, that she?d had her period two weeks earlier; or that?s what she?d said when she had refused me at that time. I guess Carla figured that she?d done her duty for the last year, and we were going back to her calling the shots again. Well not this time. So, I let it slide. I didn?t pressure her for sex and decided to wait until she came to me. At eight weeks, I made my move. Carla had just informed me that there would be no nookie tonight because she had a headache. That?s when I put my plan into action. She had just come out of the bathroom, dressed from head to foot in a cotton nightgown, and was climbing into bed, when she saw me hang up the phone. ?I didn?t hear the phone ring. Who called?? she asked. ?No one, I just needed to take care of something,? I told her. She didn?t even ask me what. We were sitting on the bed, with her reading and me kind of watching her, when the front doorbell rang. ?Who the hell can that be at this hour?? she asked looking at me. ?Don?t worry, it?s for me,? I told her jumping up from the bed while grabbing my robe. ?I?ll be back in about an hour,? I said as I shut the bedroom door behind me. Carla didn?t even care enough to ask me where the hell I was going. However, she soon found out. About ten minutes later, Carla heard; ?Oh yes. That feels so good. You?re much better than my wife. Not so hard, I want it to last as long as I can before I shoot.? ?What the hell?? she said while grabbing her robe. ?Is Steve watching porn in the guest room, I?ll kill him if he is,? she mumbled to herself quietly as she walked down the hall. Outside the door, she listened for a second and then flung the door open. ?Holy crap,? she screamed. ?Quiet Carla. You want to wake the kids up?? I whispered to her as I shifted slightly on the bed. ?Now if you don?t mind, I?m a little busy right now,? I told her as I instructed the redhead to continue. ?What do you think you?re doing?? ?Getting a blowjob right now and when she?s done, I?m going to screw her in the ass, so if you?re going to stay, please be quiet. I?ve only got her for an hour,? I told Carla. I hadn?t had two nuts loaded in an hour in years, but I sure was going to try tonight. ?Why are you doing this to us?? she almost yelled the question at me. ?I told you before. I?m not going to live in a sexless marriage, and if I can?t get it from you, Rose here, is more than willing to oblige me. For a fee that is. So like I said, leave, shut up, or join us,? I told her as I waited for her reply. ?I can?t do this,? Carla said with tears in her eyes. ?Yes you can,? Steve said as he got up and pulled her to the bed. ?Here, lets get rid of this,? he said while pulling off her clothes and kissing her once and then again. He laid Carla back on the bed and started working on her nipples with his tongue as his fingers found her pussy. ?Damn, she?s sopping wet,? he said to himself as he inserted one and then two fingers. Rose watch me work on Carla for a moment and then went back to licking and sucking my dick. This was my first threesome, but it didn?t last long. ?I can?t do this,? Carla announced as she jumped up and ran from the room. ?I?m not a whore and I won?t act like one.? ?Well, I tried,? I said to myself as I watched Rose give me the best blowjob I?d had in years. It wasn?t long before I was shooting load after load down her throat and Rose swallowed every drop. ?That was incredibly wonderful. No wonder they say you?re the best.? I paid Rose her fee and even gave her a little extra for a tip. She gave me one of her cards and told me to call her whenever I felt the need. I walked her downstairs and out to her car. She gave me a big kiss and was gone. Going back upstairs I cleaned myself up and walked back to my bedroom. The door was locked, which I figured as much. I slept in the guest room that night and had the best nights sleep I?d had in months. ?What time did your whore leave last night?? was the greeting I received when I went downstairs. ?You should know. I saw you looking out our bedroom window when I walked Rose to her car,? I replied. ?What?s for breakfast?? I asked. ?Is that all you?ve got to say to me? Don?t you want to talk about it?? she asked. ?Not really. When I came back to our room, the door was locked. I guess that says it all,? I said casually. ?Did you expect me to welcome you back to my bed with open arms after you?ve been with a cheap hooker?? ?Rose is an escort, not a whore, and she wasn?t cheap. And no, I didn?t expect you to welcome me back, because after eight weeks I had given up on you ever asking me for sex again. So if you don?t mind, I?ll move my stuff into the spare bedroom and you won?t have to worry about me asking you for sex any longer,? I told her. ?This marriage is a joke anyway,? I said while heading upstairs. It took me about an hour to get totally out of our bedroom. Carla never once came up to check on me. So our new life style had started. We were civil to one another, but that was all. The kids both knew it was just a matter of time before one of us left, so they just went with the flow. I spent 75% of my free time with the kids, while Carla did whatever Carla did with her free time. Greg told me that Carla had told Peggy, and her friends, that I?d crawl back to her; as it was only a matter of time. The one thing I did do was to put every extra penny away into a bank account that nobody knew anything about. I was able to put about 30% of my paycheck each week into it. This went on for almost eleven months, when I?d finally had enough. ?Greg, I need you to find me a good child psychologist,? I told him. ?I need him to check out my kids and ask all the hard divorce questions; such as which parent they?d like to live with, and such. I plan on filing soon and want all my ducks in a row, before that.? ?You know Steve, believe it or not, Carla still loves you and thinks you?re going to come crawling back and ask her to forgive you,? he told me. ?I keep telling Peggy it?s not going to happen, but you know women. However, if that?s what you want, I?ll get everything setup,? Greg told me. Three months later, I had Greg file and serve Carla at work. I was prepared this time. I?d told the kids ahead of time and they?d both signed affidavits that they wanted to live with me and the psychologist had concurred that I was the right choice. I then had movers pack up Carla?s clothes and personal effects and sent them over to her parent?s house. Finally I changed the locks that morning and the code on the garage door opener. I was all ready. Carla was served with divorce papers that basically stated that I wanted the house and custody of the children. It also contained a restraining order declaring that she couldn?t come within two hundred feet of the house, the children, or me. That didn?t go over big. I didn?t duck her calls this time. ?What the hell do you think you?re doing?? she screamed at me. ?How can you do this to us?? ?Carla, there hasn?t been an us for quite some time,? I told her. ?I forgive you. Is that what you want to hear? There I?ve said it. Now stop this nonsense, Steve, and we?ll talk tonight,? she told me. ?It will have to be by phone, because I don?t think you?ve read all the paperwork, especially the part that says you can?t come within 200 feet of the house or the kids, Carla.? ?What?? she screamed as I held the phone away from my ear. ?Why in the hell would you do that? You won?t get away with this. I?ll fight you. This isn?t over yet,? she yelled. ?Well this has been fun, but I?ve got a few more things to do today, ? I told her. ?I?ll call you when I have more time,? I said as I hit the disconnect button. ?Well, that?s that,? I said to myself. ?I should have done this years ago.? The divorce went smoothly or as smoothly as these things can go. Carla started to fight it, but soon gave up. The kids could see her whenever they wanted to and we split everything up 50/50; except my hidden stash that nobody knew about. Six months after our divorce became final, Carla was still telling everyone that we?d get back together, because we still loved one another. Good luck. I didn?t date for quite a while, but eventually I missed female companionship and a few of my friends started to set me up on blind dates. Over 99.9% of the women had been divorced, and about two-thirds had kicked out cheating husbands. I dated a couple of them a few times, but most were still angry women with an axe to grind. That?s when I met Ann. She was a breath of fresh air and even though her husband had cheated on her, it was a long time ago, and she?d gotten over him. We started very slow, because we were both a little apprehensive about getting into a relationship. It was after our tenth date, that I made my move. ?Dinner, dancing, and a walk on the beach?? she asked. ?You want to try and cram anything else in tonight.? ?Yes,? I answered. ?Only if you?re willing,? I said with a smile as I waited for her reply on the phone. ?I guess this conversation has been long over due. Pick me up at 6:30 and we?ll discuss what kind of desert will be on the menu tonight,? she chuckled like a teenager. ?Yes, yes, I?m in,? I said pumping my arm as I hung up the phone. ?Dad?s got a hot date tonight? Danny yelled across the house to Sue. ?It?s about damn time, I thought he was going to end up taking the vows for the priesthood for awhile there,? Sue replied with a smile. ?Isn?t anything private around here?? I yelled. ?Not when it comes to your love life, or lack of one,? Danny laughed. ?I suppose I?m going to have to have that talk with you before you pick her up. Do you have any protection? If not dad, I can give you one of mine.? ?Way too much information,? Sue spoke up from the kitchen. ?Just remember to not be a selfish lover, and make sure she gets off too,? she said with a laugh. ?All right you two, enough is enough. We may not even do it tonight. I?m not in any hurry,? I told them. ?Maybe you?re not, but I know she is,? Sue told me. ?She?s already asked me if you moved this slow on all your dates. For a while she thought you might be gay. So dad, she?s primed and ready. If you want, Danny and I will make ourselves scarce and you can christen that new bed you bought two years ago.? ?Enough about my date. It?s like riding a bike, and you never forget,? I told them. Well, I hoped I was right anyway. Dinner was fantastic and the music in the lounge was what I liked, slow and romantic. We danced on and off, but during the band?s last set, I was starting to get aroused to say the least. ?Maybe we should sit this one out,? I told Ann. ?Why?? she replied. ?Just because I?m giving you a woody?? she said with a laugh. ?All right, Steve, my place or yours?? The short drive to my place was filled with unspoken excitement. I hadn?t been with anyone in a long time and wanted to prove to myself that I still had it. ?Nice place,? she said as we walked into the kitchen. ?Got any wine?? she asked. ?White or red?? I asked in reply. ?How about red? Where?s your bathroom?? she asked. ?Down the hall on the right, second door.? ?Pour the wine, and I?ll be right back,? she said with a smile. ?Oh boy, I?m going to get lucky tonight,? I thought pouring two glasses of wine. I took off my jacket and tie, threw them over the chair, and took a long sip. I never even noticed that Ann had come back and was leaning up against the wall, completely nude. ?Unless you?ve got a better idea, I think we should get this show on the road,? she said while coming over to me and laying a big wet one on my lips. I took her by the hand and we headed for my bedroom. I ripped my shirt off, buttons and all, and was undressed in less than thirty seconds. We both fell onto the bed and for the next five minutes kissed and played a lot of tongue-tag as my hands wandered over her body. ?Are you planning on kicking me out tonight?? Ann said looking at me. ?I don?t know what you mean?? I answered. ?I mean, do we have all night? That?s what I?m asking.? ?Let me put it to you this way, what do you want for breakfast?? I replied. ?I was hoping you were going to say that? she said with a big grin on her face. ?How long does it take for you to recover? You know, for another round?? ?It?s been so long, I guess I can?t answer that one,? I said. ?Well then, I?ll go first. We?re going to play a little game. It?s called getting to know your partner,? she told me. ?You lie back and enjoy. No touching me though,? she instructed. Who was I to argue as she pushed me back on the bed and let her lips do the talking? Ann started off by kissing and licking my lips, ears, and then went to my chest. She used her teeth on my tiny nipples, a first for me, and then sucked on them until they were hard and sensitive. With her tongue, she traced a line down to my navel and finally down to my hard dick. The word hard really didn?t do justice to what I was right now, maybe something like a steel rod would be closer. She licked the head and the underside all the way down the shaft before sucking one nut into her mouth. It took all of my will power not to shoot off. Ann smiled and grabbed my dick by the base, spit on the head, and started giving me a great blowjob. Her mouth was warm, wet, and so amazingly soft. I knew I was totally doomed to shoot soon. When I was about to climax, Ann gave my dick a hard squeeze and stopped sucking. ?You?re not getting off just yet,? she said with an evil smile. ?You?ll be begging me to let you cum before I?m done,? she said. And that?s just what I did ten minutes later. ?Oh God, Ann please. My nuts are ready to explode,? I begged. ?Well since you said please, I guess I?ll finish you off.? A gallon. I must have shot a full gallon down her throat as she pumped and sucked the last drop of cum from my dick. I was wasted and totally drained as she finished me off. ?All right lover. Your turn, and it better be good,? she said lying back on the bed with her arms behind her head. I was a little dumb-founded when she broke the silence and said, ?I?m waiting,? she said. I got some massage oil out from my nightstand and warmed it up in my hand. I massaged it onto her upper arms and chest, making sure not to touch her breasts; as two can play at this game. I dribbled a little bit on her lower stomach and down each thigh and then started working it into her skin. I went up her sides to just below her armpits and then dragged my hands between her, oh so nice, breasts. She was hot. ?You?ve missed a few areas that need attention,? she told me as I told her to flip over. ?I?m not done yet, so just relax. I?m in charge, so do what I say,? I said giving her ass a swat. ?Oh, a little S&M. Do you plan on tying me to the headboard next?? she asked. That thought hadn?t even crossed my mind, but I was glad Ann was no prude. ?I forgot the blindfold, so we?ll have to do that next time,? I told her as I spread her legs wide and got between them. I worked the oil down her back to just above her ass. I let the oil then drip onto the small of her back and down her crack. ?Screw this playing,? I said to myself. I rubbed all the oil in, even the generous amount between her legs. I dragged my finger down from her shoulders, to her back and finished between her ass cheeks, as I gently touched her pussy and ass hole. For the next pass, I inserted a well-oiled finger into her pussy while I massaged her asshole with my thumb. Ann?s initial reaction was to move her ass back until it totally consumed my finger and to tell me to work her clit. ?Damn this shit,? I thought as I flipped her over onto her back. At that point, I dove into her pussy; with my tongue, lips, and fingers all moving at once. Ann gasped at my onslaught and raised her legs up to give me better access. ?Oh God, that feels so good,? she cried out as she moved her ass around as I worked on all parts of it. Finger-fucking her with two fingers, I sucked on her clit as she started going nuts beneath me. Coming up for air, I wiped her pussy juice from my lips and worked on her clit with just my fingers. It didn?t take long for her to get off. ?Oh my God,? she screamed as her pussy clamped down on my fingers and pulled me to her lips. ?Take me now God damn it,? she said as she worked me between her thighs. She was so sopping wet, I didn?t think she knew that I was in until I rammed my dick home. ?Oh God yes,? was her only reply. We screwed each other hard for the next ten minutes, before she had her second climax and crushed me with her legs. I was close, but not quite there as I rolled her over onto her stomach, lifted her ass into the air, and drove my dick into her pussy. ?She?s the perfect height,? I thought to myself as I pounded her ass watching it go in and out of her pussy. For a split second, I thought about doing a little ass play, but gave up on the idea. I didn?t want to press my luck the first time, so I just pounded her until I gave up my nut. ?That was worth the wait,? she told me as she rolled over onto her back. ?What took you so long to make your move?? she asked while kissing me. ?I didn?t want to screw it up, that?s all? I replied. ?You didn?t,? she said while moving over to me and cuddling under my arm. ?I?m thirsty. Where?s the wine?? she asked. ?Hold that thought,? I said running down to the kitchen for the bottle and our glasses. ?Your wish is my command,? I told her as I bowed. Ann laughed and told me to get my ass over next to her, as she covered herself with the sheet. ?I need to recharge my batteries. How about we get some sleep and then do this all over again in a few hours?? And we did. This became a weekend ritual, either at my house, or hers. She didn?t have too many sexual hang-ups and I finally felt like I?d met my perfect woman. For the next ten months, we did everything together as a family. The holidays, when I had the kids, were even more special when we were all together. Her son, Carl, was a year younger than Dan, so at least they had something in common, but Sue had the most trouble with it. Sue was still close to Carla, and they did, ?women? things with each other most weekends. A couple of times, I got a little testy with her when she chose Carla over us. ?Sue, I know you love your mom, but you?ve got to give Ann a chance too,? I told her one afternoon. ?She?s not trying to be a replacement for your mother, but she?s someone I want in my life, and that means you?re going to have to deal with it also.? ?I know dad. It?s just that I didn?t think it would happen so soon,? she told me. ?Dad, I?ll try. For you dad, I?d do anything,? and she did try after that. When I gave Ann a ring she wasn?t surprised. ?Damn it Steve, I thought I was going to have to drop down on one knee and ask you,? she told me while looking at the ring. ?It?s beautiful. We?re going to be so happy together.? Everyone was happy for us and said it was about time Ann made an honest man out of me. I met her friends and she met mine, and we became the most loving couple. That?s when I had my first doubts. We were at one of her friends for a Saturday afternoon Bar-BQ. I was with the men outside grilling, when Ken explained that it was my turn to get the beers. I was walking into the kitchen when I heard Ann talking to Cindy, who was one of her oldest friends. ?I love Steve to death, and I think he?s the soul mate that I?ve always dreamed of,? Ann told her as my head swelled. ?Right now, we do it 4 to 5 times a week, but after we get married, we?ll probably settle down to once or twice a week like all married couples our age. But, unlike most guys, who think they can do it ten times a day, ye who controls the pussy, controls the marriage,? she said with a laugh. ?I?d never cut him off like his first wife, but I don?t want to be walking around bow legged all the time either,? she said. ?Damn, she can?t be serious,? I thought to myself. ?Maybe it?s the wine talking or maybe it?s just girl talk,? I reasoned. Nonetheless, I decided to keep my eyes wide open from that day forward. Ann never showed me that side of her again. I can remember her begging me for sex one night when I told her I was tired. ?You don?t love me anymore,? she pouted with a sexy smile on her face. ?Maybe I?ll have to find a part-time lover if you can?t keep up with me,? she said with a laugh. ?All right. But you?ll have to do most of the work and I get the bottom tonight,? I replied. ?So use and abuse me babes,? I said while lying naked on the bed; and that?s exactly what she did. So much for one to two times a week. Thank God. I never knew Ann was jealous until we went out to dinner with a group of my friends after work. I?d known most of these couples for at least fifteen years and we were all used to the teasing that went on between us. When Diane grabbed me and pulled me to the dance floor, no one was shocked. When she dirty danced with me, everyone thought it was hilarious, that is, everyone but, Ann. I danced with a few of the other wife?s and it wasn?t until Terri grabbed my ass that I realized there was a problem. ?I want to go home,? was all Ann said to me. ?You ok hon? Are you feeling sick?? I asked. ?I just want to leave now,? was her reply. ?I joked around with the group in saying that we had to leave because there was a personal matter we needed to take care of,? as I left with a wink. Some of the guys told me to get it when I could because after we got married there would be ?none anymore.? As a few of their wife?s gave them the evil eye. I grabbed Ann and we headed out to the parking lot. She was quiet until we got into the car, and then came the explosion. ?How could you act like that out on the dance floor with those women?? she yelled. ?They had their hands all over you and all you did was smile,? she continued. ?Do you care so little about me that you can just embarrass me in front of everyone? Those women acted like stinking tramps tonight, and I won?t stand for it,? she shouted. ?Relax, Ann. It was nothing more than a little grab-ass between friends,? I told her. ?Those women have no interest in me. They were just fooling around. That?s all,? I tried to explain but it didn?t do me much good. ?I can?t believe their husbands would allow them to act in such a shameless way. If you had acted like that, you?d be cut off for a whole year. Do you hear me?? ?Yes I did, yes I really, absolutely did hear you Ann,? I thought to myself. I?m glad I did hear this. ?I don?t think I want to be friends with people who act like that,? she continued. ?My friends don?t lose control. It?s no wonder that Carla cut you off sometimes.? ?Carla?s problem was that she forgot that marriage is an equal partnership in all areas including the bedroom,? I told Ann. ?She never had any problems with my friends, because she was secure in the fact that I?d never cheat on her, especially, with one of my friends.? ?Well, that was her down fall. Most men cheat with someone they know, be it a friend or someone they work with,? Ann said to me. ?If I even thought that you were cheating on me, I?d kick your ass to the curb in a heartbeat. So don?t even think of it.? So that certainly got me thinking. ?Did I really know Ann, and what the hell was I in for years from now?? I asked myself. There was no way I wanted to go through another divorce. I wanted to be happy this time so that?s when I decided to come up with a type of pre-nup agreement. It only took me a few days to come up with a list of things that would make me happy. But what about the other things, the things I?d have to compromise on with a wife. They weren?t so easy. I spent the better part of a month putting it down on paper and had Greg proof read and make legal suggestions. In the end however, it came down to what I wanted, or should I say, needed to make me happy. This is because it was my responsibility in the end to look out for myself. What I ended up was the following, looking at the short version. Paragraph #1: What constituted sex: anal, oral, hand jobs, blowjobs, screwing and most of all, lovemaking. Paragraph #2: How often sex was to occur: Three to four times per week normally. Then, I listed exceptions like vacations, business trips, sickness, or injury, and the likes of. ?It goes on a week to week basis and you couldn?t bank extra sessions. Paragraph #3: Dealt with what happens when one or the other doesn?t perform, or refuses the other, sex. The injured party can get his/her needs taken care of by a person of his or her choice and the other party should pay a reasonable fee to have it done. Also, the act didn?t constitute cheating because one party was not fulfilling their part of the agreement. Paragraph #5: What constitutes cheating: I listed ten examples of what I thought would cover 90% of the cases; of which, not all included intercourse. The last one was that I simply stated that it would be an ?act? that you wouldn?t do in front of your spouse. Paragraph #6: Covered divorce. We would leave with exactly what we brought into the marriage and 50% of what we accumulated while being married. There would be no alimony, child support, or anything else because we both worked and we didn?t plan on having any more children. Greg put it into a formal document and made everything legal including all the terminology, such as: to with, in accordance with, and not to exclude, and so on. It was pretty impressive, if I do say so myself. So much so, that Ann threw it in my face and refused to sign it. After I gave it to her, Ann didn?t call me for a week after stomping out the door. There were no e-mails, calls or even text messages until the following Saturday when she showed up at my door. ?I?m sorry about last week? she started. ?It?s just that you took me by surprise. That?s all. When I finally realized it was a joke, and you weren?t serious, I decided to forgive you,? she told me. ?I?m going to take you out for dinner tonight, and after that, I?m going to make love to you until one of us can?t walk anymore, and I don?t care which one of us that is,? she said with a smile. ?So get your ass changed, as you?ve got ten minutes.? I decided to let it slide for tonight, I wasn?t totally crazy, and it had been a week since we?d made love. True to her word, she nearly screwed me to death. We played grab-ass in the shower Sunday morning, and continued making wedding plans as if nothing was wrong. It was three weeks later, that I brought it up again. ?Hon, I don?t see why you have a problem with the pre-nup. If you want something changed, let?s talk about it,? I told her. ?Steve, all it tells me, is what type of sex we?re going to have, how often, and if I don?t feel like it, that I have to pay for a hooker to service you. Doesn?t that pretty much cover it? Don?t we do it enough for you right now? How many more times a week can you get it up anyway?? she asked in a loud voice. ?Marriage is more than just sex, Steve. It is about caring, loving, and being together,? she said in a now quieter voice. ?Ann, look please. It applies to both of us, not just me. I think we have a great sex life, but I don?t want it to end or get stale,? I told her. ?That was the main problem with my ex-wife. She believed that once every two weeks was enough for me, because that?s all she wanted. I?m a very highly sexual person and it?s very important to me. I feel the closest to you when I?m making love with you. Why wouldn?t you want to do it whenever we could?? I asked her. ?Ok. Give me the agreement and I?ll look it over. Satisfied? Now get your ass over here, momma needs some loving,? Ann said while ripping off my robe. And that?s what you call a happy ending to a weekend that started badly. The wedding plans went on as scheduled. I asked her a couple of times about the pre-nup, and all she would say is that she had it covered. ?So you don?t have any questions about it?? I asked. ?Nope, I understand what you want,? she replied. So that?s how our conversations went. Two weeks before the wedding, I was having a few brews with a couple of buddies. I didn?t need or want a stag. ?Ann sign the pre-nup?? Greg asked. ?Haven?t seen it, but she say?s that she has no problem with it,? I replied. ?So, in other words, you haven?t actually seen it or don?t have it, in your possession. Do you?? he asked. ?Not yet, but it?ll happen,? I told Greg. Just then a couple of the other guys put in their two cents. ?Jackie?s laying two to one odds that Ann doesn?t sign it,? he told me. ?A couple of the other wife?s have told her that she would be a damn fool to sign it, because it is so one-sided,? one told me. ?Personally, if I was doing it all over again, I would have my wife sign it, or I wouldn?t go through with the wedding. I get sex maybe once a week, if I?m lucky. And God help me if I make any suggestions about spicing it up a bit,? he said finishing up his beer. ?The questions I usually get is, ?You don?t like the way we make love? Or, whom are you comparing me to? Are you cheating on me? You just can?t win.? I listened to all of the comments, sloshed down another beer, and thought; ?if she doesn?t sign it, what then? Was it a deal-breaker? How did I get myself into this mess?? I asked myself. But I knew. The day of the wedding was perfect. Greg and I stood at the altar waiting for Ann to walk down the aisle with her father. The church was almost packed but there seemed to be more people on Ann?s side than mine. Was I nervous? ?Hell yes I was nervous.? Just then, the music started. Ann slowly walked down the isle, with her father, who handed her off to me, before taking his seat in the first pew. We approached the priest and he told us to relax because that in ten minutes it would be all over. However, it didn?t take that long. He went through his list of questions and when he came to; ?Does anyone see any reason that these two should not be joined?? I spoke up. ?Ann, do you have the signed pre-nup with you?? I asked. ?I don?t have that damn thing with me, Steve, I?ll get it later,? she told me. ?That?s ok. I have an extra copy that I?ve already signed,? I said pulling it out of my jacket pocket. ?All you have to do is sign it at the bottom and Greg here will notarize it later.? ?Steve, I?m not going to sign that damn thing right now. This is our wedding. We?ll worry about that later,? she told me. ?But, you promised Ann,? I told her. ?Steve, I?m not going to sign it now, or ever, so let?s forget about this foolishness and just do what we set foot here to do,? she said while looking at the priest and trying to smile. I turned around and faced the crowd of guests. ?As many of you are aware, I asked Ann to sign a pre-nup agreement,? I started. ?She said that she would, as she put it, take care of it, but I guess she hasn?t. I ?m told that almost all of the women present think that she would be a damn fool to sign it, because a lot of it deals with our sexual lives going forward from today. I can?t with a clear conscience go forward with this marriage knowing that instead of talking to me about it, she just ignored it, while thinking that it would go away. Ann, I?m sorry to say that it has not.? I said while walking down the stairs away from the altar. ?Steven Moore. Get your self back up here or so help me,? she started to say before I cut her off. ?Is there any women in this church right now who would sign this agreement?? I asked while holding up the pre-nup. The church was dead quiet as all the women were shaking their heads in a no fashion. After what seemed like an hour, but was probably less than a minute, I lowered the document. ?Steve. You have embarrassed yourself enough. Now get back up here, so we can continue,? said a mad Ann, as the church was dead silent. ?I would be honored to sign it,? I heard a voice from the back of the church say. In the last row of pews, right next to the door a middle-aged blonde stood up. ?I?ll sign it now, in front of God, and everyone else if you?ll let me,? she said walking up the aisle. ?Shut her the hell up. Get her out of here,? Ann yelled. ?Let her talk,? I told everyone. ?I guess I know now that a marriage isn?t some kind of game where each one tries to gain the advantage and win,? she said out loud. ?I guess there are rules and if you break them, you lose, no matter whether you think it?s fair or not. So if you?ll allow me, I?ll sign that agreement and if it means we have to include Rose, so be it,? she said smiling. ?Give me that damn agreement, I sign it. Ann said while shouting at me. ?Someone give me a damn pen,? she yelled. ?I?m sorry Ann. As you can see, it has an expiration time of 10:00 this morning, and it?s now after 10:30. The offer is off the table,? I said walking down to Carla. I offered her my arm and we walked over to where my kids were sitting. ?Come on kids. Lets go home,? I said as we all walked out of the church together. My understanding is that it got a little crazy after we left. Ann?s father asked her why she didn?t either sign it, or tell him that she wasn?t going to, because he was now stuck with all this food. I was called a whole lot of bad names by most of the women, but the guys clapped as I walked out. I?ll bet a lot of them we?re going to get cut off tonight. Greg drafted up a new agreement that Carla and I both agreed upon, and we signed it the following day. Greg married us a week later in our backyard with just our family present. The cruise lines wouldn?t let me substitute Carla for Ann, but gave us a credit we used on our honeymoon cruise a month later. To add insult to injury, our wedding made the news and local paper. It quoted Ann as telling a reporter that ?Steve could go screw himself and that he wasn?t that good in bed anyway.? She moved away a short time later to God knows where. Rumor has it; she met a guy six months after the wedding. He proposed eight months later, and that is when she hit him with a pre-nup. Last anyone heard, they were hashing over the terms of the agreement. ?Are me and Carla happy? Yes. Very much so. Do I think it?ll last? I hope so, but if not, I?ve got a free get-out-of?jail-card, and I?m pretty sure Rose is still around. 23893 1.83/512345